I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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