Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
