Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
