My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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