i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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