Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
