Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
