in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
