Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
