come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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