I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
