he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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