Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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