And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
