how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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