Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
