oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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