i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
