Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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