not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
