I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
