i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
sex in a hospital.. check
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
