I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
