You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
