I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
