she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Panties = found
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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