The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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