I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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