I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
