I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
