A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You did what with his pubic hair?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
