Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
