I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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