I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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