I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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