then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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