I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
