You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
