Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
