The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
