can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
