I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
