My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
