i think my tv is drunk
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
