Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize