Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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