Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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