there's paper in my vomit.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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