Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
