Non-Jews are for practice
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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