We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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