hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
