I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
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I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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