i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
