I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
