People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
