can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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