Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He shit in the fireplace
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
