She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
