worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
