she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
