If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
