My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i used baking grease as lip gloss
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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