I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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