I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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