i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Bring me that man meat
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
