One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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