i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
