eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
