there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
