let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
