I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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