That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
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