I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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