He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
