if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
