it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
