i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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