Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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